Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Road Trip No. 9: OB and BCSCG

"If you wonder why you ride the carousel / You do it for the stories you can tell" - Jimmy Buffett, "Stories We Could Tell"

Football: Virginia Tech vs. Cincinnati
Football: Oklahoma vs. Florida
Dolphins Stadium
Miami Gardens, Fla.

Miles Round Trip: Over 3,000
Total Dollars Spent: A lot. A whole lot.

I really don't know how to begin the story of my trip to Miami other than with this: I'm pretty sure I broke my foot the Tuesday before the BCSCG. This was shortly after we all got kicked out of a South Beach bar at 4 a.m. But I'm getting way, way ahead of myself.

This was one of those trips that no one else would believe because you yourself aren't completely sure it happened. Did I really just spend eight days in South Florida? Did Virginia Tech really just win a BCS bowl game? Did we really just get kicked out of South Beach? Did I really just pay face value to sit a dozen rows up on the 25-yard line for the title game? These are questions you ask yourself after the fact because the whole trip (all 12 days including travel) was a blur. Thank God for photos.


- The bunks I slept in for the Virginia Tech game collapsed at 5 a.m. Good thing I was in top bunk.
- Don't ask me what I thought of such-and-such play during the Orange Bowl. I don't remember the game and I haven't watched the DVR.
- I left profane voice mails for friends of mine after the Orange Bowl in front of children and Cincy fans in the parking lot after the game.
- Dude, we totally won a BCS bowl game!
- I was so hungover I almost killed myself while driving twice the day after the Orange Bowl.
- I spent four days between the games laying in a hammock and not doing much else.
- I ate stone crab twice and grilled dolphin once during the trip. "Is this tuna-safe dolphin?"
- The group I was with on the 6th wasn't allowed into two bars on Ocean Drive and kicked out of a third one.
- I flirted with a Finnish chick on South Beach who was thoroughly impressed with my knowledge of hockey players from Finland. Then one of my buddies scared her away by being an obnoxious ass hole.
- Later that night, I'm pretty sure I broke my foot while running after a buddy of mine who was certain he knew where his hotel was and I didn't. He was wrong. I was wearing flip-flops and landed on the side of my foot on the sidewalk. I've spent the days since then limping around.
- I had to pick up or drop off friends at all three major airports in South Florida. Thanks for flying into PBI, Canada! You ass.
- I saw four Gator fans wearing jorts and playing beer pong in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart next to Dolphins Stadium the day of the BCSCG.
- I bought Natural Ice at the same Wal-Mart because they were out of almost every other beer. Fortunately they had Yuengling.
- All four people in our group got into the BCSCG for face value. Suck it, scalpers.

Best quotes

"'Tis better to be idle and drunk than merely idle."

On the 6th, we were looking for a bar called Mangoes on South Beach. One of the two guys I was with asked for directions to Mangoes by asking people, "where are the bitches?" Later, he said this to a group of Latin women who couldn't understand a word he said (OK, they probably understood bitches). So I said, "ask them, 'donde estan las bitches.'" So he asked them just that. The group of women pointed toward Mangoes.

The day of the game we were taunting Gator fans by referring to their team as "Crocodiles." Don't judge us, we were hammered. We did this to one equally inebriated Florida tool who responded with, "naw, man, crocodile's teeth are on the outside!" One of the girls tailgating with us replied with, "so are your mom's."



Jacob A. Spain said...

The teeth on the outside comment, plus the mention of jorts had me stitches.

I just hope next year the Hokies get to dominate Tim Te-BRO in a bowl game.

ebj said...

awesome trip, i am jealous.