Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Queer Eye for the Wahoo Guy

[/scene: Int. Club 216 in Charlottesville, Va. Cavman and two UVa. football players enter the club.]

Cavman: Seriously, guys, I come here all the time. It's the best bar in C-ville.

: Brah. I really don't think this is our kind of party. And Roberts is completely out of control.

Roberts: Wooooooooo! Col-lege! Wooooooooo!

Barker: Roberts, shut up. You don't want to draw attention to yourself.

Wooooooooo! Ladies of Charlottesville, Roberts is in the hizz-ouse! Wait a minute. Barker, where are the ladies. You told me there would be ladies. That's why I why I dressed for the occasion.

[/points to neckline]

Barker: That's a little over the top, brah. And I know there are no ladies here. I think Cavman brought us to a ...

Cavman: Oh boys, come meet my friends!

Barker: Actually, brah, we were just about to leave and ...

Cavman: Don't be silly. The party is just getting started! Cosmopolitans for everyone!

Roberts: Whatever, dude. I just got us a bunch of Mic Ultra.

Barker: How the hell did you get those? You don't have any cash.

Kyan Douglas: Oh this will not do! Look at that hair. You look like the bastard child of Prince and Sinead O'Connor! After I'm done with it, they'll definitely be saying, 'Nothing compares to you!'"

Don't touch the 'do, brah! I'm telling you.

Carson Kressley: And you, my dear. Those shirts have got to go!

Roberts: What are you talking about? This look always helps me score at the horsetrack!

Carson Kressley: Honey, I know this is Charlottesville, but that's over-doing it just a little, don't you think.

Roberts: No way, man. You gotta look classy to score in this town. That's why the polo shirt's on top. Don't tell anyone, but the other 14 collars are all from Tar-jay.

Barker: Dude, Roberts, where the hell did you get that beer? I think the bartender is pissed.

Roberts: I told you man, I just picked it up out of the free beer trough.

Barker: They don't have free beer troughs here, brah. Oh, shit. The cops.

[/and ... scene]

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